Category: Uncategorized
Same shit different day: Your boy’s got a new gig
I know exactly what you’re thinking: just can’t keep up with us, can you?
First, it was yours truly doing some Odyssey stuff (which I quit after a couple months because it was pretty awful compared to being able to do whatever I want on my own site). Then, Reed got his viceroy gig that he continues to kill it at. And now, another new gig for ya boy, and it’s at Rotostreetjournal.com.
RotoStreetJournal was made to be a safe haven away from all the numbers and analytics to tell you what you need to know and when you need to know it so your fantasy football team is ready to go. Now, I suck at fantasy, but what I’m writing about over there is something I’m even worse at: gambling. I’ll be highlighting the major spreads for the weekend near the end of each week, then recapping them after all the games are through.
Now, obviously this is a little different than TakeZone or Keegansports; these guys already have an established site. Nevertheless I’d love to get the continued support of the select few people who have always been reading, sharing, and supporting what we’ve been doing. TakeZone will keep going, but I’ll be throwing up probably about 2 articles a week on RotoStreet, and would love if you guys could share and help grow that site into the powerhouse that it has the potential to be. These guys know their stuff over there.
You can find their Twitter account here. My first post should be up this afternoon, so keep an eye out. And as always, thanks guys!
Why Thanksgiving > Christmas
Every year when November rolls around I have to have this debate with people. Maybe I don’t have to, but I kinda do. Halloween ends and everyone goes full blown Christmas mode, and I for one am downright sick of it.
As a little kid, Christmas is the GOAT. No doubt about it. Christmas is Jordan, Thanksgiving is Pippen, anyone who argues that is dumb. You just sit on your ass for 2-3 weeks instead of going to school and play with all the pointless shit your family just spent a shit ton of money they don’t have on and you won’t touch again after mid February. It’s awesome. The last week of school before break is a joke, with parties and yankee swaps and whatnot, and then you give Santa some cookies and you get a bunch of stuff. It makes zero sense that Christmas has become the commercialized shitshow it currently is considering what it’s supposed to be, but I will never ever ever ever argue with it until I have shitty kids who want stuff.
But once you hit a certain age, Christmas pretty blatantly loses its magic. Santa (spoiler alert) isn’t real anymore, and you have to actually start buying presents for people and not just receiving them, and it’s just not as fun as it was. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas is a top 3 holiday and it always will be. But it’s not #1 after a while; Thanksgiving is.
Let’s do a little rundown of Thanksgiving: high school football, food, beer, NFL football, beer, food, more NFL football, beer, pie, sleep. Uh, yeah I’ll take that 365 days a year please. If you’re really choosing pretending to be pumped about the Champion ankle socks your aunt got you last-second over all that, you’re dumb and also pretty stupid. It’s relaxing and you eat great food and drink and watch grown men injure each other. Maybe put up with some casual racism from that uncle, maybe pretend to give a shit what your grandfather thought about the election, but the good certainly outweighs the bad.
So yeah, call me crazy, but I’ll take Thanksgiving over Christmas any day. Don’t @ me.
BREAKING: I will never be able to pull off #NoShaveNovember
For the past 4 years of my life I have felt confident/curious enough about my facial hair to verbally commit to attempting No Shave November, or Movember, as the kids call it these days. And every single year I’ve made it to this day, November 7th, without shaving. And for almost half a decade, without fail, every November 7th I’ve woken up in the morning, looked in the mirror, and said “NOPE NOPE NOPE OFF IT GOES.”
I just can’t do it and don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it. I’m 20 years old and hair grows kinda sparsely on my chin and above my lip and that’s it. Very little on the sideburns, and a big gap on my cheek. It looks absolutely horrible every single time. If that’s all I’m getting at age 20, when I’ve gotten as tall as I’m gonna get and am getting less athletic by the second, then it looks like I’m gonna be clean shaven my whole life.
I actually came home Saturday night and looked in the mirror and said “Shit, gotta get rid of this.” But then Sunday came around and I figured, I’ll barely be in public today, I’m good with it. I felt like an idiot during my 2 hour group meeting but other than that it was a fine day. But there was no way in hell I was going to class and out around campus today with that 30% goatee thing on my face. It’s a damn shame, but it had to go.
So today, November 7th, will go down in history (for me and probably only me) as “Fuck your beard day”. The day I single out everybody with budding, beautiful facial hair and tell them to get the hell out of my face. Celebrate your scruff all you want, just know that I hate you more than anything in the world today.
Are bars of soap the grossest thing on planet Earth? My column:
Even though I used it for the picture, I’m not bashing Irish Spring. LOVE Irish Spring, couldn’t love it more, no body wash leaves my skin feelin’ fresher. Strictly a bar soap argument here.
So this had crossed my mind a few times before but I’d never put a lot of thought into it until I got stuck using one in a hotel this weekend. How are these things still in use? How is this not something we left in the 1800s? Or at least ditched once body wash came around? Let me get this straight: you rub this thing all over your gross body to clean it, and somehow zero germs stay on the thing? Then just leave it to sit and dry till your next shower, then do it again? Bananas in my opinion. A little less gross if you’re the only one using it, but still repulsive.
Where are the studies that prove how disgusting this shit is? You’re telling me a Rutgers professor put TWO YEARS into a study to prove the 5 second rule is bullshit (which, news flash, everyone knows, it’s just there to justify not buying new food when we drop it) but nobody wants to inform the general public that bars of soap are cauldrons of bacteria? My head is literally spinning. Do I have to fund and perform this study myself? Because I’m horribly under qualified and extremely stupid but I’ll do it if that’s what it takes to get these things out of existence. That’s how much I care. I will work day and night to link bars of soap to every single disease and medical condition on God’s green Earth if that’s what I have to do to open people’s eyes. Don’t thank me, although I mean you can I guess.
Idk man maybe I’m an idiot, vote in my poll so I feel less dumb. #BanBarsOfSoap
Tiger Woods FROM THE TOP ROPE!
Truthfully, until today I’d given up pretty much all hope of Eldrick ever topping 18 majors. As much as golf can be an older man’s game (Nicklaus won his last major at age 40, which is exactly where Tiger is now), he’s just been through too much. It’s hard enough to come back from all these serious knee and back injuries he’s sustained, but at his age and with the amount of coverage and scrutiny around him it’s just an impossible task. But now? Get ready for 19 baby!
Ok so maybe this changes nothing. Maybe he’s just a washed up superstar who thinks too highly of himself. Who cares? Would you rather have him pack it in and not give a shit? I’ll take competitive Tiger over any athlete in the world that isn’t named Tom Brady or David Ortiz, and that’s just a fact. So I’m pumped that he’s still got 18 on the brain and still thinks it’s achievable, because if anyone’s gonna be able to do it, it’s Tiger.
Of course, all this would be much better if we’d seen him at least participate in a PGA event in the last 14 months, but hey, baby steps. I just love to see he’s still got the fire.
Trump’s campaign manager is the Desperate Housewife of Politics, walks out on CNN interview
OUCH. How about this lady, huh? I mean it takes a certain kind of person to be Donald Trump’s campaign manager (keep in mind this is take 2, he fired the first dude). Takes a real hard ass to be able to deal with this guy’s shit 24/7 and try to make him look like a presentable candidate when in reality he hates 90% of the population of America. And this is exactly what I expected. This bitch is Cruella de Vil meets Evil Stepmother (killer Disney references there, nbd) and she’s not taking no for an answer. Will he accept the results? “Well he’s gonna fucking win so ya.” Yeah but what if he doesn’t win? “Um we’ll figure that out but he’s gonna win. Bye bitch!” Just a killer walkout.
I couldn’t really bring myself to watch much of this debate last night and chose to watch the NLCS instead, but can he seriously not say he’s gonna accept the results? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d say at this point there’s an 80% chance that this election is rigged for Hillary. I just can’t see anyone in the government right now leaving this up to chance, America is far too stupid for that. And it’s definitely true he’s gotten a raw deal as far as all his inadequacies being breathlessly reported while Hillary’s haven’t, but at the same time he did that to himself. You can’t say the ridiculous shit he’s said and expect the benefit of the doubt. Yeah Hillary lied to the FBI and probably caused the death of some soldiers, but if we’re being honest I think 40% of Washington could put that on their resume. Politicians are assholes, but Donald Trump just may be worse.
All I know is, when the results are announced on Election Night, this bitch is gonna have to hop right out of her coffin and make sure The Don accepts whatever happens. Last thing we need is a disputed election so the rest of the world can laugh at us even more.
PS – This is the kind of shit I’m talking about. If you’re gonna censor CNN like it’s fuckin North Korea, just be less obvious about it.
“Obviously we just lost the satellite feed, that sucks… aaaannyyywayyyy” like c’mon dude. Do better.
Curt Schilling now wants to run for MA Senate for some reason
I honestly think Curt Schilling is determined to make everybody hate him. At first, it was all love. The Bloody Sock game, helped us win a World Series, the guy was a hero. Couldn’t do any wrong in my mind. Retired with 3 championships, 216 wins, and a hell of a career. Guy was a great pitcher and I’ll forever be grateful for what he did for baseball, not just in a Red Sox uniform. But Christ, I wish he would’ve just retired and rode off into the sunset never to be heard of again.
He’s just always managed to stay in the news somehow, and it’s certainly not accidental. When it’s been a while, he always comes out and has something to say about a former teammate or manager, and it gets his name back out there. There was the video game company, which I actually did some reading about recently and it’s CRAZY. Basically the state of Rhode Island gave the company a $75 million loan in exchange for the company coming to Rhode Island and promising to create a few hundred jobs. The company got going, created and released a game that actually did pretty well, and planned to release another soon. Then, less than 2 years after receiving the loan, the company’s check for a $1.125 loan payment bounced. They eventually got it straightened out, but then couldn’t make payroll that week. A few months later, they declared bankruptcy. Just a crazy story, like how do you lose that much money that quickly?
We’ve had the multiple suspensions from ESPN, and of course the memes. Alllll the memes. So basically Curt’s kinda off the rails these days, which makes this new development in the Schill Saga all the more surprising (or not surprising, in a way): he’s planning (pending approval from his family) to run against Elizabeth Warren for Massachusetts Senate. Why? Who the hell knows.
To be honest, I don’t see it happening. Even if he runs I can’t see him getting elected just because I honestly think he might be more racist than Donald Trump, but I don’t even see him running. I think the “if my wife says it’s ok” thing is basically a safety net so he could test the waters, see what the reaction to the announcement was, and if it seemed like it wouldn’t be worth it he could pull the “ah sorry fellas, just talked to the old lady, it’s a no go” card. Like when you’re a kid and somebody tries to make plans with you multiple weeks in advance, like yeah you wanna hang with them but something else better could come up last-second. So you say “yeah that’d be cool, I’ll check with my mom and let you know” and go from there. Genius, really.
So if you’re banking on voting for Schilling in the next MA Senate election, I wouldn’t hold your breath. It would be pretty cool, though, because Warren v Schilling would weirdly mirror Clinton v Trump very well. The Democrat is a woman who plays the gender card hard-core and gets votes that way, and has also been proven to lie big time to get support. The Republican candidate pretty much hates anyone who isn’t a straight white Christian male. What a battle that’d be.
Introducing TakeZone’s newest contributor… Pat!
So this has been in the works for a little bit, but our boy Pat (also Bentley Class of 2019) is gonna be taking over and doing some soccer writing for us now. EPL, International tournaments, you name it, he’s got it. Might even pretend the MLS is real for a blog or two; who knows?
So strap on your shin guards and get ready to fall over for no reason whatsoever, because TakeZone’s got soccer!
Tiger Woods pulls a 180, drops out of upcoming Safeway Open
Well, that’s not how I was hoping today would go. Was really looking forward to seeing Tiger out there this weekend, even if he obviously wasn’t going to be at 100%. Probably gonna have to miss a cut or two before he’s the Tiger we want him to be, but that’s a small price to pay to have the most exciting player in the history of golf back.
But instead, we’re left waiting again. I’m really not that pissed about him not coming back, because why force it when you’re not healthy, but what annoys me is announcing a return date then backing out. It’s like rappers; you can not release an album for years and we’ll just keep listening to your old shit, but once you announce an album release date then move it back, you’re just a dick. Again, I understand doing it in Tiger’s case, but why’re you setting these dates to return on if you’re not gonna be able to follow through?
The good thing is, golf doesn’t necessarily need Tiger right now. We thought it might, but it doesn’t. We’re coming off an insanely successful Ryder Cup, Jason Day is still holding it down as world #1, and Jordan Spieth is the most exciting* young American player since, well, Tiger. At the same time, there’s just something different about the PGA when Tiger is healthy, and especially when he’s playing well. The feel of every tournament, the buzz of every major, it’s just… different. It’s like the Patriots with vs. without Brady. Yeah we went 3-1 and all without him, but it’s just a different team with him around. The PGA is great, but with Tiger… it’s next level.
Early reports are saying Tiger also plans to withdraw from November’s Turkish Airlines Open but still hopes to be able to participate in his Hero World Challenge in the Bahamas in December.
So hopefully he’s back soon, and at least we have this gem with Paulina until he is.
*I say “exciting” meaning he’s really young and really good. He’s about as exciting of a person as Bill Belichick on Xanax, but a hell of a golfer.
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